Rev. Eugene N. Nelson, Jr.
The Community Church of Sebastopol
April 7, 2002
John 20: 19-31
In my family, we like to play a card game called “I Doubt It”. You deal the cards and the first person to play might put two cards face down and say, “I have two aces.” The others have to decide if that person really does have two aces. If you don’t think so, you can say, “I doubt it.” Then that person has to show you the cards. If indeed he did put down two aces, then you have to take those cards plus all the cards in the discard pile. If he didn’t have the two aces, then he has to take back the cards plus all the cards in the discard pile. The first one out of cards wins. Kind of like “Liars Dice”, a game I hear is played in bars, but of course, I wouldn’t know anything about that!
Anyway, it’s a game that requires you to distinguish between doubt and certainty. And isn’t that always an issue for people of faith? How do I distinguish between doubt and certainty? What can I know for sure? Is all this “God Talk” really true?
The disciple, Thomas, - “Doubting Thomas” – has received a lot of negative press over the years. Many sermons have been preached about his lack of faith – his desire for certainty. And yet, I don’t feel all that negative about Thomas. In fact, I rather sympathize with him. For I suspect, knowing myself as I do, that if I had been in his situation, I might very well have said much the same thing: “Unless I see the marks in Jesus’ hands and feet, and see the hole in his side, I will not believe. Give me some concrete proof!” Proof. It would be so nice; it would make things so much easier if only we had proof. But is that ever really possible in matters of faith? Is there ever concrete proof?
A Calvin and Hobbes comic strip comes to mind. Hobbes asks Calvin, “Do you think there’s a God?” Calvin ponders this for a moment, then replies, “Well, somebody’s out to get me!” That’s one kind of proof, I suppose. But again, is proof really the issue? Is proof really what we need? And is doubt really all that bad?”
One could argue that John Wesley almost single-handedly changed the face of the Protestant church – certainly in England and the United States. He devoted his life to the renewal of the church of Jesus Christ. His Aldersgate conversion experience is well known. What is less well known is this: At the age of 59, well on in his astonishing career, he wrote a letter to his brother Charles, in coded language. He was fearful that the letter might fall into the hands of some of his followers who would not understand. In that letter, Wesley wrote, “This is the great mystery. I do not really love God. I never did. I never quite believed in the Christian sense.” Startling words from one who did so much, who sacrificed so much, to advance the cause of Christ. John Wesley, a giant of the faith, yet troubled with doubt his whole life long.
I think of Henri Nouwen, that great saint of the 20th century church. His writings, his life, have inspired millions of Christians around the earth…still do! Yet he once said this: “Somehow I have to trust that God is at work in me and that the way I am being moved to new inner and outer places is part of a larger movement of which I am only a small part.” Nouwen realized that there could be no concrete proof. Even this man of great faith still confessed to some lingering doubt. “Somehow” – he didn’t really know how – “Somehow I am just going to have to trust.”
You know what concerns me more than a doubting Thomas? It is to hear some multi-media evangelist speak of the absolute certainty of his or her faith. How often have I heard one of these folks speak of their religious persuasion as being absolutely true, “beyond any shadow of doubt.” Trouble is, I find that when they are so sure about the rightness of their faith, they seem equally convinced about the wrongness of mine! In the words of one colleague: “To speak of certainty and faith in the very same breath is a contradiction and is to miss the whole point of the Biblical story. There, men and women of the spirit live by faith, not by certainty. There, they are never fully free of doubt, but have enough faith to live with it.” Or, as Frederick Buechner has written, “If you don’t have doubts, you are either kidding yourself or you are asleep.”
I think of Thomas in our text today. I think of Peter. You might recall that Peter had a few doubts when Jesus invited him to take an evening stroll upon some stormy waters. And as he doubted, he began to sink. Doubt can feel like that, that sinking feeling, as if we are losing our grip on our faith. And yet, Jesus does not give up on Peter because of his doubts. And later, in the early church, Peter truly proved to be a rock. I think of John Wesley, Henri Nouwen, and our own Dorothy McHugh. Not long before her death, she told me that there were many years in her life when she felt as if she really didn’t have that much faith. This from a woman who became a model of faith for so many of us and was such an important part of the ongoing life of this church.
To tell you the truth, I am not all that worried about our doubts. Yes, I would like certainty, but, like the man who pleaded with Jesus, “I believe, help my unbelief,” I’m learning that doubt is not necessarily the death of faith. In fact, it might be just the beginning. Physicist, Richard Feynman, has said that uncertainty and doubt are highly valued in the scientific world. In his words, “If you know that you are not sure, you have a chance to improve the situation.” Doubt and uncertainty keep you open to the possibility of learning something new. “The dumbest people in the world are those who think they know.”
I think back to the Sunday morning book study I led a few weeks ago. Each morning we had interesting discussions around a wide variety of topics, everything from our image of God to Jesus to church to sin and forgiveness. And, typical of this church, there was a good deal of theological variety in that group, even disagreement. And people expressed doubts – doubts about the nature of Jesus, doubts about the activity of God in the world today, so many doubts. But, when we were finished with our discussion, we had a prayer; we all left the Fireside Room and came into the sanctuary to worship…doubts and all.
I guess my greater concern is when we quit doubting, quit questioning, quit searching and learning. I know doubt can at times be painful for people of faith. It certainly has been for me. Doubt is painful in those times when God is less than we wish God to be, those times when we cry out and there seems to be no response, when we stand at the grave of a loved one and ponder what it all means...if it means anything at all. Like Thomas, we would like it if things could be just a little more certain. I know I would!
And yet, even as I say that, I also ponder some other words of Frederick Buechner: “Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it alive and moving.” They keep us asking, keep us searching, keep us open. In the words of one minister, “Doubt says yes, but there are voices in doubt which say that it might be no. The truth is both affirmed and denied. Doubt is that border territory where growth may be occurring.”
John Wesley, Henri Nouwen, Dorothy McHugh, Peter, Thomas and so many before and since. Many were troubled with doubt, some their whole life long, and yet they went on with their lives, they served the Lord, they served the church and their world, entrusting themselves to God’s care even as they asked their questions. Finally, isn’t that what real faith is all about?